I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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