one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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