I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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