Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
