Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
