this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
