look no pants
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
