When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
