Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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