How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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