A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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