my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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