Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
