you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
