In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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