What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
