I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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