So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
