Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
