You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
