mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
