Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
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Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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