oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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