oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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