you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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