Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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