he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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