I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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