omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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