Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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