what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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