My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
