I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
