Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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