i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
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At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.