they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.