I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm determined to sit on that face.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
