Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating