well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.