Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.