tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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