You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
