How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
