She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
