I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
