you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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