I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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