nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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