When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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