Just cropdusted the office
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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