it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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