My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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