I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
