you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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