from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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