well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
