it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
