dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
