do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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