She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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