hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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