You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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