Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
