i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
