I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
