Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
