but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
