erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
