Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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