Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
