I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
