Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
