You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
