we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
