Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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