When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
