Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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