i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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