This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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