i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
