Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
