i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
